Tales from Infinity War: Local Man’s Mates Disappear During Killer Anecdote

This story is set within the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and contains spoilers for all properties therein. 

The failure of the Avengers in Wakanda has changed life here on earth forever. For one man, 24 year-old John Faulkner, the tragedy completely ruined his day.

Faulkner was half-way through one of his all-time best anecdotes at a mate’s barbeque this weekend when half the universe blinked out of existence. Just as the story’s various plot threads were beginning to come together, John noticed his friend Matt Kerignam (commonly known as ‘Kero’) slowly turning to dust.

“Needless to say, I was shocked”, said Faulkner, “to be honest, I thought it was pretty rude. I sat through his whole story about meeting Tim Allen for 20 minutes, but he couldn’t even remain in existence through my story”.

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Despite the disappearance of ‘Kero’, John attempted to plow through the rest of the story. “I was halfway through”, noted John, “and I’ve been waiting to unleash this bad boy for months”.

However, when Kerignam’s girlfriend, Janet Wicker (23), began to loudly cry, Faulkner’s faith in his story began to wane. “Look, I know she was probably crying about Kero, but I can’t help but think she might have also been trying to take attention away from the story”. Thankfully for Faulkner, Wicker also blinked out of existence very shortly afterwards, effectively silencing her tears, and allowing the anecdote to continue.

“Anyway”, continued Faulkner, “as I was saying, the second girl started getting pretty suspicious at this stage”. It was at this point that his friend, Tim Baker, told Faulkner to stop. Baker was unable for comment, as he was also removed from existence.

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The events of Avengers: Infinity War really took their toll on this party

Faulkner tried to continue the tale, but with his audience rapidly diminishing, eventually concluded it was pointless. “Save it for another day”, Faulkner thought for himself, “time to cut my losses”. It was at this time that party host, Andrew Brooks (29) faded from existence, leaving the sausages unattended. Faulkner came to the rescue, and saved any sausages from burning.

17 out of the 26 people at the party died that day, but Faulkner’s hope lives on. He hopes to one day be invited to another party, where he can tell the story of his trip to Bali to a new audience, on that’s not in the midst of being removed from the cosmos.

Avengers: Infinity War is now in cinemas

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