“Normally I’m a Big Harry Potter Fan, But…” Stammers Nervous Reviewer

Film Critic Roy Topson is ready to tear Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Crindelwald apart, but first he needs to sedate the mob by reminding them that he normally like their dumb wizard movies. 

“Now, I am a huge fan of Harry Potter, but…”

Roy Topson is a professional film critic who has just been given the unenviable task of trying to review Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald online. The critic has a plethora of complaints and criticisms to make, and is in fact ready to annihilate this movie, but he needs to take one crucial step first. 

“It’s important to Harry Potter that you like the rest of their dumb wizard movies at the start of your review. Otherwise, they’ll just assume that you hate all Harry Potter and well… you’ll never recover”. 

RELATED: FANTASTIC BEASTS: THE CRIMES OF GRINDELWALD IS GARBAGE – FANTASTIC FOOLS PODCAST

The particularly loud Harry Potter fanbase has been fairly divided by the new film, but one thing is for sure,if you indicate that maybe the first ones weren’t the best books or movies ever, you are in for a world of pain online. 

“I once described Order of the Phoenix as bland”, admitted Topson, “I still get rabid hate mail to this day. Harry Potter fans are vicious”. 

This important clarification has become commonplace among reviewers as they try to explain how truly abysmal Crimes of Grindelwald is without incurring a visit from an angry mob. It’s a frightening world.


Want to hear the Fantastic Fools yell about Crimes of Grindelwald? Of course you do. You can listen to the latest episode of the Fantastic Fools Podcast on iTunes, Spotify, or by simply clicking the player below

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