Chinese Government Calls for Inquiry into Why Its People Love Terrible American Movies
“We need to get to the bottom of this”
For years now, the Chinese Box Office has remained a mystery to American studios. High profile films such as Star Wars and high-quality action such as Mission: Impossible – Fallout, have notoriously struggled to make an impact, while films with far worse critical response such as Michael Bay’s Transformers or the Fast & Furious franchise achieve incredibly high box-office returns.
Well, the recent success of DC’s Aquaman has proven to be the final nail in the coffin, with Xi Jinping, the General Secretary of the Communist Party of China announcing a formal inquiry into just what the fuck is going on with the Chinese Box Office.
“Aquaman’s not even that bad”, said Jinping, “but the fact that it’s made a Billion dollars is unprecedented, and we need to understand why”.
For years Hollywood has inserted scenes, product placement, and internal messaging in order to break into the Chinese market, and this may all soon be clarified once the study is completed.
“Like, Venom made nearly 3 times as much as Black Panther over here, that shit is bonkers”, proclaimed a Government spokesperson.
The investigation is expected to last years, so keep an eye out for more box office anomalies in the coming months.