5 Movies to Watch Alone on Valentine’s Day to Forget how Pathetic, Sad, and Lonely You Are
Happy Valentine’s Day! Do you have a date? Of course you don’t, you pathetic loser!
Here’s five movies to watch, by yourself, on your couch, this Valentine’s Day to forget the fact that nobody ever does, or will, love you.
5. Bee Movie
In Bee Movie, a regular, run-of-the-mill bee has a romantic relationship with a human.
A bee can get a date with a human, so why can’t you?
Is it your personality? It’s probably your personality
You are less desirable than a bee
4. How To Be Single
It’s a movie all about how being single isn’t so bad, and you should embrace it, sounds right up your alley, right?
Except you don’t believe it, do you? Look at all these people happy being single. Why can’t you be like that? Why are you so desperate for human attention? Why aren’t you happy?
Also this movie has far too much Dakota Johnson & Rebel Wilson and far too little Alison Brie, tragic.
3. Daniel Sloss – Jigsaw
This is delicious. Sloss’ stand-up special, available on Netflix pokes fun at relationships and challenges people to rethink their own relationships. According to the comedian, the show has resulted in the ending of over 4,000 relationships.
This special is not only hilarious, but also a great reminder that it’s not just you, people in a relationship are miserable too.
Ok, maybe not quite as miserable as you.
You are pretty sad, tbh.
2. About Time
The first act of this charming rom-com teaches a very very important lesson: even if you have supernatural powers, you cannot sleep with Margot Robbie.
That’s important to remember.
The rest of the film is a life-affirming tale of love and loss, an under-appreciated classic that might distract from your lack of human connection.
1 Just Staring at the Ceiling and Crying
Why even bother trying to watch a movie? It’s probably just going to make you more upset.
It might reveal the true depths of your existential despair. But don’t dwell on that! Don’t dwell on the fact that, out of 7 Billion people on this planet, you cannot find one who would even consider tolerating your presence for one measly night.
Maybe human connection is a lie, or maybe it just seems that way to you.
Curl up with a trusty blanket, a nice box of tissues, and a backup box of tissues, and enjoy your Valentine’s Day. You loser