Local Man Hospitalized After Accidentally Reading Star Wars Comment Section
“The Horrors! The Horrors!”
Local man David Tarisar has been rushed to the Emergency Department of a local hospital after accidentally going into the comment section of a Star Wars video on YouTube.
“My mother always told me to avoid Star Wars comment sections”, said the 32-year-old upon release, “there’s nothing there but… pain. Such… horrible… pain”.
Tarisar was enjoying a video entitled, “top 10 Lando jackets that are cool and good”, and scrolled down to see what his fellow internet people thought of the video. He was not prepared for what he encountered.
“So much sexism”, said a quaking Tarisar, “and so many people saying the exact same thing as the sexists but ending it with, ‘that’s not sexist that’s just objectively true'”.
Tarisar was treated for numerous mental episodes and physical ailments after his trek into the comments, and he has advice for any fellow internet users, “stay away. Whatever you do. If the video so much as mentions Star Wars, just stay as far away as possible”.
“If into the recordings you go, only pain will you find”.
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker will hit cinemas in December.